No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
whose parrot is this?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
