if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
