So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
