My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
