walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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