Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
