Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
