the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
