his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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