if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
