I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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