do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
