i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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