I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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