We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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