What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Floor bacon is actually really good
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
