he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
