I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
