Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
