I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
