Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
