the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
