I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
