I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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