doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
