i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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