she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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