I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
