Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
