I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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