see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
