yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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