i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
