hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
