it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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