She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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