Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
