I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
