I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
