There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
