Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
