Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
