Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
