I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
