why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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