Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
