I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My cat gives me a boner
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
