I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
