my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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