it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think my fart just growled at me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
